Archive for the ‘What the?’ Category

What an expensive Jewish Education Gets You: The Son of G-d

February 7, 2011

Gad Zooks, Batman!  It’s been ages since I’ve posted.  I’m working on another, kinda-sorta in response to the one my friend should be posting any minute now, so stay tuned.

Anyway, to stretch my muscles:


To the Principals and Teachers of BKs Jewish Day School:

I would like to preemptively explain what may be some very confusing behavior on BK2’s part.  I  assure you that this is just a case of a 5.5 year old applying logic and rhetoric to a subject rather beyond the realm of a Kindergarten classroom.

You should know that on Friday nights, instead of a regular bedtime story, we read about the Torah portion that will be read in shul (synagogue) the next morning.  This year, the boys can handle more than the plain (albeit simplified) version we’d been reading in years past, so we have progressed from a basic retelling of the story, and now include additional commentary.  The upgrade often uses stories and analogies to get the point across.

Things had been going well.  The teacher has even mentioned that the boys seem to really know the subject matter, and like to contribute to the class discussion.  But you might not want to call on BK2 this week.  I shall endeavor to explain.

It all started innocently enough last Friday night.  BK1 made himself a nest on the floor, and having reminded me of his right to be informed about any pictures, promptly fell asleep, breathing soft, deep, even breaths that have a hypnotic effect on BK2.  BK2  cuddled next to me, barely hanging on to consciousness, but fighting a good fight.  Looking back, perhaps this would be less of an issue had he been more awake, and in a less hyper-suggestible state.

(This past week introduced the  Mishkan, or Tabernacle, that traveled with B’nai Israel though the desert.  G-d’s presence rested on the Mishkan.  From this we learn that G-d is likened to a shepherd, a vintner,  and to a father.  A shepherd travels with his sheep, a vintner watches over his vines, and a father watches over his children.)

I had just gotten to the part about G-d being like a father when BK2 bolted upright, confused and slightly anxious.  “What?,”  he asked.  “G-d is my Daddy?  I thought DADDY was my Daddy!”

In the back of mind I knew that the next few minutes would cover Philosophy That Shouldn’t Be Discussed at Bedtime.  But I trudged ahead.

“No,”  I explained.  “Daddy is definitely your Daddy.  But G-d is a Daddy to everybody.”

“If G-d is a Daddy, does He have a mother?”

“Nope.  He doesn’t have a mother, and he’s not a boy or a girl, either.”

“Oh, so G-d is nothing?”

“Nope, G-d is everything”

“Oh, so G-d’s in this book?  And in the ceiling?”

And you could see where this was leading.  So, please don’t be too alarmed if BK2 mentions he’s son of G-d, who lives in his backpack.  He’s not dabbling with other religions, and he does not have a Messiah Complex.  He’s just confused.

Thank you,